If you’ve ever awakened from a sexual dream feeling aroused or completely bewildered by what just transpired (with a former partner, your supervisor, or a celebrity) while you were asleep, you’re not alone. Erotic dreams are common: In a study of almost 3,000 adults, participants estimated that 18% of their dreams were sexual in nature. More recently, research involving over 300 college students found that more than half of them—particularly men—reported experiencing sexual dreams.
Sexual dreams can involve propositions of a sexual nature, kissing, coitus, self-stimulation, or various other intimate activities.
But their significance might not be what you initially believe.
“They might not be about sex whatsoever, so it’s crucial to avoid assuming a direct correlation” between the dream’s events and its meaning, explains Antonio Zadra, a professor of psychology and senior researcher at the Center for Advanced Research in Sleep Medicine at the University of Montreal. “Dreams with a sexual theme could serve as metaphors for intimacy or for how we are perceived by others, or they could pertain to strained connections or obstacles in relationships.”
Generally, “dreams are often linked to our current worries—what occupies our thoughts,” Zadra states, and this holds true for sexual dreams as well. This idea supports the continuity hypothesis of dreaming, which posits that dream content frequently mirrors aspects of an individual’s waking experiences.
Research has indicated that the frequency of erotic dreams can be associated with the amount of time one dedicates to sexual fantasies in their conscious life. However, this isn’t always the scenario. In other instances, sexual dreams might reflect latent desires (not necessarily sexual ones), personal emotions, or an aspiration for personal development in new ways.
The various subjects of erotic dreams
Certain situations frequently appear in sexual dreams. These include intimacy with an ex-partner, a friend, a boss, a colleague, or a famous person; engaging in sexual activity in public or an unusual setting; or being unfaithful to your partner or having your partner cheat on you.
Experts caution against interpreting these dreams literally, asserting that there is no singular, universal interpretation for sexual dreams.
“Dreams are highly personal to the individual—they are significant messages from the person’s unconscious,” says Gary Toub, a clinical psychologist practicing in Eureka Springs, Ark. “They aim to help people become more complete. They can reveal missing elements of yourself. Sex can symbolize the integration of different facets of the dreamer.”
For example, if you dream about having sex with a friend or a boss, that could signify a desire to acquire or cultivate a quality the other person possesses, such as empathy or authority, Toub suggests. Or, it could relate to wanting to connect on an emotional level or seeking that person’s approval.
Should you dream about having sex with someone of the same gender while being heterosexual, it might indicate that the individual embodies a trait like creativity or spirituality that you wish to develop further within yourself.
Dreaming about masturbating could suggest that you are yearning for more gratification in your life and are prepared to pursue it.
Dreams about betraying your partner, meanwhile, could signify that you are seeking personal growth in different areas, Toub explains. In this case, it’s beneficial to ask yourself: Which aspects of myself am I neglecting?
Conversely, if you dream that your partner is being unfaithful to you, “you can wake up feeling betrayed,” Zadra remarks, “and you might direct that frustration towards your partner.” But it’s a mistake to assume this implies you suspect your partner of cheating: it could signal a craving for more attention from your partner or a deeper connection with them, or that another aspect of the relationship requires your consideration.
“Some people refer to dream dictionaries to attempt to interpret their dreams,” says Jeanette Raymond, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Los Angeles who frequently assists clients in understanding their dreams. “It’s not the most effective approach because there isn’t a universal meaning for every symbol” or action in a dream. On the contrary, the meaning typically rests with the dreamer.
Understanding erotic dreams
Sexual dreams are often quite vivid and easy to recall. “The fact that you’re remembering this dream implies it has something significant to convey to you, and it may be connected to something you’re not addressing in your current life,” Raymond notes.
The key to interpreting erotic nocturnal narratives is to question yourself about them, beginning with the feelings you experienced upon waking. The emotions triggered by the dream can be highly revealing. “If it felt like a comforting dream, it could be a way of reducing insecurities you might harbor in that relationship in your waking life,” Raymond states.
Zadra, co-author of When Brains Dream: Exploring the Science & Mystery of Sleep, also advises reflecting on how you felt within the dream. Who was the central figure, and what are your feelings towards them? What does that person represent to you, or what qualities or characteristics do you associate with them? What was unfolding in the dream, and how did it make you feel?
It’s also worthwhile to consider why you might be having this particular dream at this time. How might it be trying to reveal or communicate something about yourself? “There’s so much we don’t know about ourselves,” Toub says. “Dreams speak an ancient language of metaphor and symbol—they are attempting to convey a message.”
The truth is, it’s often challenging to fully comprehend dreams on your own, which is why Raymond recommends sketching images from the dream and/or discussing them with another person. “Talking to someone about the dream can help you process things and connect the insights,” she explains.
Ultimately, if you can decipher your erotic dreams, you can utilize them to gain a deeper understanding of yourself or to improve your circumstances in some way. “Dreams are incredible messages designed to help people live more authentic lives,” Toub asserts. “Every dream carries a unique message for the dreamer—it’s a reflection of your own context.” Which means the responsibility to interpret it rests with you.